Hey cyber world of bloggers, I figured that I am not much of a blogger since I haven’t blogged for some time but it’s been tough. Don’t get me wrong the tabs of thoughts has been running in the back ground for some time and I have been on such a hustle I just did not have time to write. Sucks heyyyyy…especially when you have a bestie that constantly hits me up with a message “why are not blogging? “And my reply to her was always I do not have any ideas.
So most people that have read and invested in my blog know that I am a single mother. And my question today is how do you know if you are a good enough parent? I keep seeing these meme’s on its not what you give you kids but it’s the time that you give. And then there are some of my mentors that have quoted lines of single parents that have not given their kids time but a legacy to look forward to. But what no one quotes or writes meme’s about is how hard it is to be a single parent. Especially when there are moments when you wish you didn’t have to answer the awkward questions or when family members tell you that you need to settle down this child needs to be disciplined. But what they don’t get is that how hard it is to raise a kid on your own. You have to be a mother, a father, a friend and most of all a mentor. It’s the sacrifices of working through holidays so that you can have money to put food on the table. It’s about saying no to that toy in that shop because we can’t afford that. It’s about the every Sunday evening question of do you have to go to work tomorrow?
It’s tough having no one around to lean on for that emotional support. As much as I love being a parent, no one told me that it would be tough. No one told me that not every day is going to be fun. No parenting books prepare me for the early mornings getting up for work before the dusk of dawn and having to leave your kid to fulfil their dreams. Life has crazy spills and spins but have you ever listened to your kid laugh in another room and think to yourself damn that’s a voice I want to hear forever, secretly wishing to yourself don’t grow up yet. Single parenting is having all your guards up and yet having the strength to overcome so many fears. Like killing a spider that you are scared of yourself but acting all brave for a little mini version of yourself. It’s about educating your family to understand that although you can’t be there for every milestone, you doing the best you can. And sometimes the best you can do what sets you apart of from the rest.
I was raised by a single parent but had the support of step parent late in my teens. Did it have an impact on my life of course it did. Do I feel bad that my daughter doesn’t have all the things she wants especially a male hero. Do you think it doesn’t affect me each father’s day when she tears up father’s day cards because she has no one to give it to? Do you think it doesn’t affect me that she wishes she has a dad and some more siblings. Of course a single parent I think you feel you’re kids hurt ten times more than having both parents around. Does it make me work harder to make her happy of course it does? Do I pretend with her that I am some magical Wonder Women as she calls me, hell yes!!! I will do anything I can so that she would never have to feel the emotional loneliness that comes from not having both your parents around.
I sometimes feel like an inadequate parent when my brother or mother shout at my daughter for something stupid or when my brother ignores her when all she wants is a little bit of attention. Raising a kid on your own is no child’s game. Heck it comes with so, so much anxiety and fears. Yet we have to continue and persevere no matter what. It’s the tears of joy at the end of every accomplishment that you witnessed. It’s the milestones that you get to witness that makes up for other milestones that you missed out on. Would I trade it for anything else in the world heck no? Would I do it again, of course? Would I give her everything I can, that’s for sure without a doubt? Would I wish for more time, well that I pray for every day.
So to every single parent out there you doing the best you can and don’t let the dark and lonely days get you under. As my late grandfather use to say tomorrow the sun, shall shine again. And indeed it will and it will be so warming to your heart. Not every hustle is meant to take over your life but in the end you teaching your kid not to give up. So never give up, no matter the fight.